Moving from behaviour management to collaboration and support
Many children experience moments where they become overwhelmed, reactive, inflexible, or unable to meet expectations. Traditionally, these moments are often viewed as “challenging behaviour” that needs consequences, rewards, or stricter discipline.
The Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model offers a different perspective.
Developed by Ross Greene, CPS is built around one powerful idea:
“Children do well if they can.”
This means that when a child is struggling, it is not because they are choosing to be difficult, manipulative, attention-seeking, or defiant. Instead, it suggests that the child may be lacking the skills needed to manage the expectations being placed on them in that moment.
Rather than focusing on control and compliance, CPS focuses on understanding, collaboration, and problem solving.
A shift in perspective
The CPS model encourages adults to move away from asking:
- “How do we stop this behaviour?”
- “How do we make the child comply?”
- “What consequence will teach them?”
and instead ask:
- “What skills are hard for this child right now?”
- “What is getting in the way?”
- “How can we solve this together?”
This shift can completely change how we understand children.
Children may struggle with lagging skills
Some children experience difficulties with:
- emotional regulation,
- flexibility,
- frustration tolerance,
- sensory processing,
- impulse control,
- communication,
- motor planning,
- transitions,
- attention,
- or problem solving.
When demands exceed a child’s current capacities, we often see distress behaviours emerge.
These may include:
- meltdowns,
- shutdowns,
- aggression,
- avoidance,
- refusal,
- emotional outbursts,
- running away,
- or rigid and controlling behaviours.
In CPS, these behaviours are viewed as signs that the child is struggling — not signs that the child is “bad.”
Behaviour is communication
Like DIRFloortime®, CPS views behaviour as meaningful communication.
Children are often communicating:
- “This feels too hard,”
- “I’m overwhelmed,”
- “I don’t feel safe,”
- “I can’t manage this yet,”
- or
- “I need support.”
When adults focus only on stopping behaviour without understanding the reason underneath it, the child’s needs may go unseen.
What does collaboration look like?
The “collaborative” part of CPS means working with the child rather than doing things to the child.
Adults and children work together to:
- understand concerns,
- identify unmet needs,
- and problem solve realistic solutions together.
This helps children feel:
- heard,
- respected,
- emotionally safe,
- and more invested in solving challenges.
Importantly, collaboration does not mean removing all boundaries or expectations. It means recognising that children need support developing the skills required to meet expectations successfully.
Why proactive support matters
CPS is called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions because problem solving works best before everyone is overwhelmed.
Rather than addressing issues only during moments of distress, adults identify recurring challenges ahead of time and support the child proactively.
For example:
- transitions may consistently feel difficult,
- losing games may trigger distress,
- homework may overwhelm the child,
- sensory environments may lead to dysregulation.
Instead of waiting for repeated crises, adults and children can work together to find supportive strategies and solutions.
How CPS aligns with a neuroaffirming approach
The CPS model aligns closely with neuroaffirming, relationship-based approaches because it:
- prioritises understanding over punishment,
- views children compassionately,
- recognises developmental and neurological differences,
- values emotional safety,
- and focuses on support rather than control.
Children are not viewed as intentionally difficult.
They are viewed as human beings doing the best they can with the capacities available to them in that moment.
What adults often notice
When children feel understood instead of judged, we often see:
- reduced power struggles,
- increased trust,
- more communication,
- greater emotional safety,
- and improved collaboration over time.
This does not mean challenges disappear overnight. Development takes time, and children still need support, boundaries, and guidance.
But relationships become less about control and more about connection and problem solving.
Supporting children through connection
The CPS model reminds us that difficult moments are opportunities for understanding, not punishment.
Children develop skills best when they feel:
- safe,
- connected,
- respected,
- and supported within relationships.
Sometimes what helps a child most is not stronger consequences, but a curious adult willing to ask:
“What’s making this hard right now?”
That question can change the entire interaction.
In approaches like CPS and DIRFloortime®, we move away from fixing or controlling children and instead focus on supporting development through empathy, collaboration, and meaningful connection.
